Thursday, March 31, 2011

Most useless CraigsList photo ever?

This ad showed up on CraigsList the other day:
Masc casual fun - 35 (Seattle)

Nice & normal, good-looking white masucline and horny looking for some no-strings, safe, casual fun with like-minded fit bro around my age or younger.

I'me five-ten, one sixty, packing a thick 8 inches. Nice bod, hairy chest and legs.

I cannot host but can travel to you in and around Seattle. Real here ... in Seattle ... wet day
All perfectly fine, nothing out of the ordinary there.

And then it had this pic attached:
Now, I know you’ve probably seen pics in CraigsList ads which are bait-and-switch pics: knowing that some people won’t click through to read an ad if there’s no pic, some guys will add a sunset or a drawing or some other image.  Those offend a little (since you’re either looking for porn shots or some hint of what the guy on the end looks like other than his dick/ass), but they are part of “doing business”.

This one, though, what is the point of this pic?  You aren’t showing your “thick 8 inches” (heck, you aren’t even showing a bulge from it!).  You aren’t showing your “nice bod, hairy chest and legs”.  Hell, you aren’t even showing that you’re male!  But at the same time, neither does this seem to be in the same class as a bait-and-switch pic; there is a different level of intentionality attached to using this.

So, yeah, “Most useless CraigsList photo ever.”

Tuesday, March 8, 2011

What does “Woof!” mean?

“Woof!” is a greeting, especially in the bear community, generally meaning “Hi, I think you’re hot!”  It is the verbal (or in online chat, textual) version of a wink/smile/tug.

(Why do bears say “woof”?  The most likely answer is that the snurfling sound a real bear makes can be written as “whurf” — half growl and half snort — which easily transcribe into “woof”.  Alternately, start from the greeting “Yo, dawg!” and follow that path to get to the same destination.)

Of course, one person’s “Hi, I think you’re hot” can be another person’s “Hi, I think you’re hot, let’s have sex now.”  Take this exchange from Adam4Adam this past weekend for example.  (Of not: the guy’s only profile picture is a side shot of his dick, and his profile text is equally sparse: “Not looking for love or anything other than getting my cock off.  Blowing a load”.  Occasionally you can check out the profile and respond to a tersely worded potential sex request.  But not with this one, and especially not when I tend to be looking for kinky fetishy sex partners and the profile indicates nothing of the sort.)
him: Woof!

me: Thanks

him: which translates as "no thanks?"

me: "Woof" doesn't usually translate as a specific offer. I'm not available until later tonight anyway.

him: yeah, good luck with that
And he blocked me.  Whatever.

If you want “Woof!” to mean more than “Hi!”, that’s great.  But you’d better be ready to follow it up with an offer and specifics.

Thursday, February 24, 2011

Stuff I Read: “Imaginary Encounters” by Mysh


I despise most poetry.

Spending much of my time as a kid and a teen with books, I embraced novels and comic books, works which spread a broad tableau of clear imagery and abundant words, not just telling a story but building a world.  Poetry, on the other hand, comes off as tight, small, and absorbed, twisting on individual words and phrases to depict a single idea or evoke an emotion.  When you’re used to lots of words building a story, consumed at a fast pace, having to mull over each word and syllable, backtracking over and over to get at the true “meaning” of the poem… it’s slooooooooow.

(Those who “get” poetry are hopefully saying to themselves “Yeah, that’s the point.”  Those who don’t get poetry are probably saying “Yeah, I know what you mean.”)

That said, some specific forms of structured poetry, I have great respect and even love for.  Taking an idea or emotion and capturing it in a limited number of lines, or forcing it into a rhyming couplet (or a limerick!), that awes me.  (So I guess it’s really unstructured, longer form poetry that I can’t stand.  How does that phrase go, “I don’t know what it is, I guess it’s poetry”?)  I’m especially fond of haiku (when done right, at least in the modern Western sense; some people think just three short lines of whatever is all it takes, sigh).

I recently got an e-mail from Israeli artist and filmmaker Mysh, pointing me to his site of queer haiku comics, “Imaginary Encounters”.  Wow!  Could stuff get any better than that?  Combining the elegance of haiku with shortform cartooning, usually illuminating rather than illustrating.

Highly recommended.  Not safe for work, though; some of the cartoons contain sexual imagery.

Tuesday, February 1, 2011

Grindr Censors User Text, Blames Apple

A week ago, I signed into Grindr and got an alert saying that my photo or profile text had been forcibly deleted because it didn’t conform to their Terms of Service.  According to the page they linked to, my crime was apparently in having (sexually) suggestive text.

This e-mail was sent to help@grindr.com:
I recently had my Grindr profile’s text zapped.  So far as I can tell, this was because something in the text was deemed “suggestive”.  Not explicit or offensive or in violation of copyright.  (Of course, since I don’t have a copy of the text that was there before, I can only go by my memory of how “suggestive” it may have been.)

We’ve become used to restrictions on imagery with social networking sites (gay and otherwise) — many won’t allow any naughty images in the publicly available pics (and especially not pics which depict actual sex), and some even require an identifiable face — so the similar restrictions you have had in place there do not bother me.

But now you’re limiting text?  Really?  And not even explicit text, but “suggestive” text?  Double really?

I never like to tie things to malice or stupidity where there may be a rational reason.  Is this something that was dictated by Apple or RIM in order to get in/stay in their app stores?  Did you get purchased by Disney?  Are you trying to back away from the market that made you popular for some reason?  (Because let’s be honest: Grindr’s #1 use is chatting up prior to hooking up.  Please don’t try to deny it.)

Limiting what people can say (or write) edges into the realm of censorship.  And even though it may technically be your right to limit what we can do through your system, if this over-the-top limitation of content is your own choice and not something forced on you (er, “insisted upon”) by external partners, I can’t help but think it’s going to bite you.  (Actually, it’s apt to bite you even if this is capitulation to external requirements.)

Here’s hoping you’ll be willing to reply to this in some understandable form, whether that’s a personal reply or a press release or a web page which addresses the issue in a generalized manner (and hopefully has guidelines for what is and is not “suggestive”).

(A URL to your existing Terms of Service isn’t going to do it, especially since it doesn’t have the same text as the app put out notifying me of the zapped text.)

Looking forward to hearing from you.

— Jim
Seattle, WA

I was finally able to dig around in their website Terms and Forums to find this:
Apple places limits on what can be displayed in a public profile.  This includes not only your picture, but also text.  Even masked text is not allowed.  This means all public profiles have to be G rated.  (link)
“Masked text” would refer to things like “f*ck” and “po**ers”.

So they are trying to pass the buck to Apple.  But when Apple did their booting of boobie apps a year ago, here what they said:
We have decided to remove any overtly sexual content from the App Store (link)
Here are the full Grindr profile guidelines, which specify:
• No sexually explicit or overly suggestive text.
In others words, no, Apple doesn’t say it has to be G rated, just that it cannot be “overtly sexual”.  Notice what has happened in part: they dropped the “T”, turning “overtly” (openly) into “overly” (excessively); by definition, suggestive text cannot be “overtly” sexual.

More to the point, though, they don’t (presumably won’t) define how much becomes “excessive”.  But by use of the term “G rated” (which Apple apparently does not require), potentially anything (sexually) suggestive becomes “overly” suggestive.

We shall see, though.  I’ve entered new profile text, referencing hanky colors instead of any spelled-out activity (previously, I said something about “put me on my knees”), so the suggestiveness should be more vague; you need specialized external knowledge to decipher things.

Wouldn’t that be a kick in the pants, if gay social networking apps running scared caused a resurgence of the hanky code, only in textual form rather than actual cloth-in-a-pocket?

(Hmm, “kick in the pants”.  That would be dark blue with white boot print pattern, right?  Teal blue with boot print for “kick in the balls”?)

(And yes, I know there are Apple haters out there who are going to try to lay the blame right back at Apple’s feet.  Your belief is already noted; only comments with some substance beyond that tired tirade will be retained.)

Tuesday, November 2, 2010

More fun with “Craiglist bots”

See this post for more on these sex-post phishers.

For some reason, I got several apparent Craigslist bot responses on Friday to a post I made on Wednesday.

The “I’m so excited I can’t type” Reply


This one came from “Nga Abdullai”:
in nice shape and average good looking would like to give u massage dwviwsncq
And this from “Syble Rendina”:
hella excited to do this never done this before, kinda nervous as well kilgjl
I guess the intent is “You are so hot that I’m jerking off here just thinking about— oh fuck, I just came all over the keyboard.”

In addition to the note in the previous post about replies mentioning things I never talked about in my ad, these studiously avoid referencing anything I did mention.

The “Don’t Scam Me, Bro” Reply


From “Cory Raden”:
What's happening?  Im a real fella seeking something hot...my stat is 22 years old, 5'10, versatile and fresh.  I just got conned by a doode on here so I am trying to determine if you're real or not.  But yeah this is my buddy's email so I got to get trucking but if you wanna, I am currently on my profile site so let's swap phone #s and photos on there to be reliable.  This way we can verify to each other that we are both genuine. Don't even respond back if can't even put any time, I ain't trynna to get scammed again.  P-e-a-c-e!
It was followed by a URL, a pic of a guy playing field hockey (me.jpg), and a pic of a guy’s crotch in tighty whiteys with a hard-on (mine.jpg).

And an hour and a half later, from “Mariela Barocio”:
What's going good?  Im a real guy wanting something incredible...my stat is 22 years old, 6'1, versatile and fresh.  I just got conned by a doode on-line so I am trying to see if you're real or not.  Anyhows this is my pal's email so I gotta get bouncing but if you are serious, I am presently on my profile site so let's exchange phone #s and pix on there to be trustworthy.  This way we can show to each other that we are both legit.  Don't even respond back if can't even put any effort, I ain't trying to get scammed again.  Cya!
And it was followed by a (different) URL, a pic of a guy playing field hockey (me.jpg), and a pic of a guy’s crotch in tighty whiteys with a hard-on (mine.jpg).

I swear, it’s Attack of the Mad Libs or something.

The “Married and Down Low” Reply


This one came from “Catrice Strickland”:
hey, straight guy here curious of this, wife just went out of town and i am wanting to try... n
Gee, guy, if you want to stay married, maybe you shouldn’t use your wife’s e-mail address for cruising.  She might find out.

(You’ll note that other bot posts came from Syble and Mariela, also women’s names, and the only Nga I’ve ever met was also female.  Suggestion to the bot programmers: use only male names on replies to Men Seeking Men ads.)

All five of these had Hotmail return addresses, and all with the full name that was listed as the owner plus one or two random trailing characters.  So there’s another bot spot technique.

Tuesday, October 26, 2010

What is “Gear”?

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Tuesday, October 12, 2010

Misadventures: Cancel the Three-Way

So after chatting back and forth with this hot guy for a few weeks, we finally set things up for a kink-filled three-way with me, him, and his partner.  I unlocked my pics for his other half. We discussed time, play activities, what play supplies and toys I would bring, the sling, the hot tub, beer and other beverages, and so on.

I got detailed directions to their place, out in East Bumfuck — seriously, an hour’s drive, and I was going to go there on a Tuesday night.  We’re talking I was looking forward to a hot session!

Then late this morning (day of the play session), I got these texts:
Mind giving me a ring?  I need to cancel.  Not the right time.

Have to say no for best ting for my relationship.  Sorry to waste your time.  Thought we were there.  Best, xxxxx.  Please call if u would like to speak versus txt
Fuck.  (Or “not fuck”, actually.)  You can read between the lines on that one.  I imagine a discussion like this:
How come you’re so frisky this morning?

Just thinking about how hot tonight’s going to be.

Mmm?

Really looking forward to getting that guy from Seattle in the sling.  We’re going to have a fucking hot time.

Oh you are, are you?  And you were going to tell me about this when?

What?!

I really thought we had a good relationship here, but apparently you need to go setting up fuck sessions with tricks from the internet, and then you rub my face in it!

What are you talking about? I told you about him last week.  You said “Sounds hot” and told me to set something up!
(and cue escalating screaming match from there)

Or perhaps it was nothing more than morning-of cold feet from the boyfriend, something he thought he was ready to pursue a week ago, but really wasn’t.  Not my place to ask.  Whatever the case, there was obviously need for a touch more extended communication in that relationship before pursuing something like this.

(Sometimes that’s the reason for living in East Bumfuck: keeping the leash on more easily.)



Updated on October 26, 2010
Last week, I heard from the guy and we tried setting things up again.  This time, I played with him and his other half had someone else over as well.  There was some interaction between the four of us, but mostly two couples in two different rooms.

I didn't ask for details on what had gone sour the first time, but it seems it was ultimately less drama than I had expected.