tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-22711084140781931712024-03-13T13:17:04.341-07:00Sounds Kinky-erAll the sexier stuff that I don't want to put on my regular blog Sounds Kinky.Jim Drewhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00987446462436563788noreply@blogger.comBlogger91125truetag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2271108414078193171.post-69959701306546242192016-05-09T15:52:00.002-07:002016-05-09T15:52:51.209-07:00What do [+] and [=] mean in someone’s profile?<div class="p1">
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://wiki.alphasoftware.com/a5/Xdialog/Images/XD_Tree%20Control_2.gif" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://wiki.alphasoftware.com/a5/Xdialog/Images/XD_Tree%20Control_2.gif" /></a></div>
I admit, the first time I say a profile with [+] attached to the name, I was confused. Coming from the tech world, a box with a + in it means “closed tree control, click to expand and see content”.</div>
<div class="p2">
<br /></div>
<div class="p1">
Turns out, though, that this is a handy bit of flagging.</div>
<div class="p2">
<br /></div>
<div class="p1">
“Flagging” is any sort of non-verbal method for indicating preferences, status, or identity. It is best known in the gay community via a <a href="http://soundskinkyer.blogspot.com/2010/04/what-is-hanky-code.html">colored bandana stuck in the back pocket</a> to indicate kink activities, but it goes way deeper. <a href="http://www.libertypress.net/index.php/leather-life/694-signs-and-symbols">Hanging your keys</a> from a belt loop indicates top or bottom. The type of <a href="http://h2g2.com/edited_entry/A5268035">flowers held in a bouquet</a> indicates feeling and availability, as does the <a href="http://www.rkdn.org/roses/colors.asp">specific color of roses</a>. The online <a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Natural_Bears_Classification_System">bear community has a coded string of letters and numbers</a> to indicate a large about of sexual and physical details. Even <a href="http://articles.philly.com/1990-09-14/news/25876108_1_handbag-buckingham-palace-royal-family">Queen Elizabeth “flags” with her purse</a>, they say.</div>
<div class="p2">
<br /></div>
<div class="p1">
One <a href="https://flaggingopinicusrampant.wordpress.com/hanky-code/">newer revision of the classic hanky code</a> includes a flag for being trans — not for what you are into, but what you are. This would be an identity flag, one used for disclosing information which might otherwise be difficult to verbally express — for various reasons, including personal security. (Thanks to Shilo for showing me this one.)</div>
<div class="p2">
<br /></div>
<div class="p1">
[+] and [=] are also identity flags. [+] is used to indicate HIV-positive status. This sometimes also shows up as [+u] for <a href="http://avi.org/page/viral-load">“poz undetectable”</a>, meaning HIV+ and on meds with an “undetectable” viral load, which recent studies have shown to be heavily unlikely to be at risk of transmitting the virus.</div>
<div class="p2">
<br /></div>
<div class="p1">
[=] is used to indicate “on PrEP” (<a href="https://www.aids.gov/hiv-aids-basics/prevention/reduce-your-risk/pre-exposure-prophylaxis/">Pre-Exposure Prophylaxis</a>), meaning someone who is HIV- and on a daily regimen of Truvada as protection against HIV infection. While intended especially to be used in conjunction with condoms, studies have shown PrEP alone to be highly effective in preventing seroconversion. (And thus combined with known [+u] partners, even more effective.)</div>
<div class="p2">
<br /></div>
<div class="p1">
As with any discussion of these subjects, a few things should be remembered:</div>
<ul class="ul1">
<li class="li1">HIV meds and PrEP may massively reduce the risk of infection, but risk does still exist. (Condoms also massively reduce the risk but do not remove it completely — they break, etc.)</li>
<li class="li1">“HIV-” and “undetectable” are only as good as the last test. Status can change between tests.</li>
<li class="li1">Those terms are also only good if someone is honest. Just as there are poz guys who simply don’t know it or who will lie and say they are negative if it means you will have sex with them, there are unquestionably also guys who aren’t stable on their meds or are lying about being on them at all.</li>
<li class="li1">[+u] and [=] reduce the risk of transmission of HIV and only HIV. Not HPV, HEP, gonorrhea, syphilis, chlamydia, etc. (However, people who are on the meds and getting tested regularly will tend to have infections discovered and treated sooner, which may reduce both spread and intensity.)</li>
</ul>
<div class="p2">
I have even recently seen [=] guys saying that they prefer to <i>only</i> play with poz guys. Not too many years ago, this would have indicated a <a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bugchasing">“bug chaser”</a>, but today, it is a new version of <a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Serosorting">“serosorting”</a> — reducing your risk by playing with the guys most likely to actually know their status and be in treatment. Quite the change on that front, eh?</div>
Jim Drewhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00987446462436563788noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2271108414078193171.post-42828466060497588232013-03-27T01:35:00.000-07:002013-03-27T01:37:40.818-07:00Online Ass d’Jour: Get a New Pic<p>Date: March 24, 2013 / Place: Seattle, WA / Service: <a href="http://www.scruff.com/" target="_blank">Scruff</a></p>
<p><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhJuIBWnF3tbadrOLmACQ5iC76Z1wbUreU6guLe8OOA80a1TaAbyGPsTv_9BPDLwLh01uw31RjapgzOil2Lg21gwzkwPuFi8_9IjMLIWIUivIryJGbdMhLXWNCKW6Z0c-6Ji5B3ERenRWHe/s1600/IMG_0402.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhJuIBWnF3tbadrOLmACQ5iC76Z1wbUreU6guLe8OOA80a1TaAbyGPsTv_9BPDLwLh01uw31RjapgzOil2Lg21gwzkwPuFi8_9IjMLIWIUivIryJGbdMhLXWNCKW6Z0c-6Ji5B3ERenRWHe/s320/IMG_0402.jpg" /></a>
This one doesn’t <i>quite</i> count as an Ass. The only thing wrong is in <i>what</i> is being presented, not how. If you must use as pic that is older than the service you are posting it on, remove the date. Let us pretend that it is a current photo.</p>
<p>We have all seen pics on guys profiles which we knew were not current. My own favorite brand of this is when you can see the film grain, so you know it is a scanned photograph (and thus at least 10 or more years old). There is one guy I have seen online in Portland a few times who has pictures in this profile which, based on hair and clothing styles, are at least 25 years old.</p>Jim Drewhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00987446462436563788noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2271108414078193171.post-19098811891405692822013-01-17T13:01:00.001-08:002013-03-27T01:37:30.801-07:00Online Ass d’Jour: GPS (Gets Pissy Soon)<p>Date: November 18, 2012 / Place: Seattle, WA / Service: <a href="http://www.asspig.com/" target="_blank">AssPig</a></p>
<p>Damn, but I hate it when people depend purely on GPS to get where they are going and copy the address in wrong, ignoring all other directions you give them which might clue them that they are totally on the wrong route!</p>
<p>This guy ended up in West Seattle (15+ min away) because he left off the direction character and his GPS sent him to “Ave SW” instead of “Ave S”. That itself is bad enough (and tells me that GPS itself is problematic), but then he calls, pissed at <i>me</i> as though this were <i>my</i> fault, and says I can come meet him at his place instead, because he has “wasted enough of [my] valuable time”.</p>
<p>I declined. Once they’re in a pissed-off, state, you don’t want to do much of anything with them.</p>
<p>Adding insult to injury, he then texted me a few minutes later, saying “Please don’t ever contact me again thank u”. No worries, guy.</p>
<p>(The guy is in recovery and was at an AA or NA meeting shortly before this. I’ll file that info away for later — not that being in recovery is the problem, but going right from AA/NA meetings to a play session might not be a good idea. Make sure there is more of a buffer.)</p>
<hr />
<p><i>Update</i>: A few hours later, the guy contacted me again in a much calmer mood. Not really apologetic, but at least not hating on me anymore and again open to playing at some point. It has not happened yet — and most recently, he got a bit pissy again when I wouldn’t take Thursday afternoon off to play with him because if we played later when it was easier for me, <i>he</i> would have to take Friday morning off.</p>
<p>I think he’s a bit too high maintenance for my tastes. There are enough of fish in the Seattle sea that I don’t need to work with his issues. If it happens someday, we will play, but I am not pursuing it hard on my side.</p>Jim Drewhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00987446462436563788noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2271108414078193171.post-10999554967963831292012-09-18T14:07:00.000-07:002012-09-18T14:07:19.526-07:00What does “HWP” mean? What does “Fit” mean?<p>These two terms show up in profiles fairly often. “HWP” seems to have peaked and fallen off in popularity in recent years, supplanted by the somewhat more exact “fit”.</p>
<h3>What does “HWP” mean?</h3>
<blockquote><p>“HWP” is short for “Height/Weight Proportionate”.
<p>In theory, it is a shorthand way of saying “In good (enough) shape” — someone who isn’t scrawny skinny or fat. In actual use, of course, it gets used to mean “In (really) good shape”, anything from “no tummy” to “no body fat at all”.</p>
<p>It probably encompasses “really good shape” variants like ripped, chiseled, buffed, and muscled, although those are usually specific enough states that if that is what someone is actually looking for, they will say so rather than using a hazier term like “HWP”.</p>
<p>The snark in me, of course, says that all heights and weights are proportionate. It’s just that 2:1 (tall and super skinny) and 1:2 (short and round) aren’t the ratios being looked for by these people.</p></blockquote>
<h3>What does “Fit” mean?</h3>
<blockquote><p>With the term “fit”, it is the same issue, but at least its body consciousness is worn more up front. No one is going to dub a guy over 40 with softness around the middle as “fit”. (Even if he is technically just fine, health-wise for this age.)</p></blockquote>
<h3>Are they negative terms?</h3>
<blockquote><p>I am of a split mind on this.</p>
<p>In general, “HWP” and “fit” mean “Those without actively used gym memberships need not apply.”</p>
<p>Much of queer theory seems to be about finding the places and ways that the GLBTQ community (and society as a whole) is mean — where “mean” has three meanings: unkind, average, and poor quality. As such, anything — <i>anything!</i> — which someone (anyone, include a queer strawman) could take negatively must be bad. That includes any form of labeling and comparison of subjective qualities. By disinviting people who don’t measure up to an arbitrary (and really, unspecified) standard, those people are put aside, put down, said to be lesser.</p>
<p>On the other hand, how can you express a physical (or mental, or spiritual) preference without shorthand labeling and comparison? What is behind the use of “HWP” or “fit”? Probably a desire for shared activities, a level of physical prowess, an avoidance of the health and social issues which people not “HWP”/not “fit” experience… and admittedly, a perhaps shallow focus on looks. To get those concepts across, you either use shorthand idioms (like “HWP”), or you write a paragraph of prose which will make people skip over the profile.</p>
<p>(I know for myself, while I don’t use those terms in my profiles, I do pay attention to height/weight listings, looking for play or romantic partners who are “close enough” to my build. If they are shorter yet heavier, or taller yet lighter, I know that the likelihood of a good match decreases a lot. I admit it, I am looking for “HWP” in some form.)</p>
<p>In the end, I have to draw a difference between perhaps shallow “lookist” labeling of this sort and truly socially unacceptable ways of stating a preference (like the profile I saw recently that said “No blacks or Asians (not racist, just don’t like ethnic)”) or the ridiculously limiting ones (“Be between 27 and 29”). “HWP” and “fit” <i>can</i> be used negatively, and certainly can be read than way, but the terms are not inherently bad.</p></blockquote>
<p>(Yeah, I know queer theory mavens will go off on me for stuff in this post. Thanks, but references to Foccault, repressed patriarchy, and emotional intelligence put me to sleep. No need to share.)</p>Jim Drewhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00987446462436563788noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2271108414078193171.post-74322595155495447952012-06-02T17:10:00.000-07:002012-06-02T17:10:37.645-07:00Online Ass d’Jour: here is slave boy<p>Date: May 23, 2012 / Place: Seattle, WA / Service: <a href="http://www.misterapp.com/" target="_blank">Mister</a></p>
<p>I'm all for eager boys who go after what they want, but this one went a bit overboard…</p>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi1bxlSZJDkaxS8QhyqfltTgYNMm21NUBCaU7Ma0ShqCsErtmjqeJsnxw2kSbxnUxWmHoRggLQ07Dv4z4eq66SxdYW1wdkGLTh4m55sabJtJrnz9p1-fZc-q2BilGtkE1OeD00bV8bsQXhl/s1600/Ass-May23.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left:1em; margin-right:1em"><img border="0" height="400" width="300" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi1bxlSZJDkaxS8QhyqfltTgYNMm21NUBCaU7Ma0ShqCsErtmjqeJsnxw2kSbxnUxWmHoRggLQ07Dv4z4eq66SxdYW1wdkGLTh4m55sabJtJrnz9p1-fZc-q2BilGtkE1OeD00bV8bsQXhl/s400/Ass-May23.jpg" /></a></div>Jim Drewhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00987446462436563788noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2271108414078193171.post-18765194357601983122012-04-17T14:54:00.000-07:002012-06-02T17:08:16.187-07:00Online Ass d’Jour: Don’t Bring Me DownDate: April 8, 2012 / Place: Vancouver, BC / Service: <a href="http://grindr.com/" target="_blank">Grindr</a><br />
<br />
I'll just let this one’s screencap speak for itself. You’ll notice the classic “Hello” and “Fine” non-committal replies, indicating “I looked at your profile, or lack of same, and I’m already not interested, but I’ll go through the polite niceties for a couple exchanges anyway.”<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhHn5e6YDD0oCQVcwInf-qyMLdwv2vjHQMms34Sw6xwuoDuex_h80J2XTdD7oS-0FXFS9_KqZoUL-r__FLdP18VSuM2iDuRytnR-qgTEnIhMH7Ok3P5m09WPT5-oMtj4qhX8SVsYY1wlRa6/s1600/Ass-Sad.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhHn5e6YDD0oCQVcwInf-qyMLdwv2vjHQMms34Sw6xwuoDuex_h80J2XTdD7oS-0FXFS9_KqZoUL-r__FLdP18VSuM2iDuRytnR-qgTEnIhMH7Ok3P5m09WPT5-oMtj4qhX8SVsYY1wlRa6/s320/Ass-Sad.jpg" width="237" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br />
</div>The <i>last</i> thing I want at 2:15 am is for someone on a hookup site to tell me he is depressed.Jim Drewhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00987446462436563788noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2271108414078193171.post-67325001252470142512012-03-30T11:53:00.000-07:002012-03-30T11:53:24.908-07:00Online Ass d’Jour: I’ll Tell You What I Want, I Want What You WantDate: March 29, 2012 / Place: San Francisco, CA / Service: <a href="http://www.misterapp.com/" target="_blank">Mister</a><br />
<br />
A guy hit me up on MR (the mobile app version of <a href="http://www.daddyhunt.com/" target="_blank">DaddyHunt</a>). His profile was sparse — a single pic of him in a leather vest, and text that read something like “Ready for hot MANSEX. Always ready” — but certainly no sparser than many guys online. (That’s a whole other blog post!)<br />
<br />
His initial message said:<br />
<blockquote class="tr_bq"><i>u r visitin so prob too busy to play?</i></blockquote>Um, no. I’m on a cruise site, aren’t I? Admittedly, some guys are on there with no intent to play, or not to play <i>now</i> (i.e., hoping to set things up for later). It was Thursday night, so indeed, setting things up for the weekend was one of my goals. (The other was getting laid on Thursday.) But if you start off all your communications saying “I know you probably don’t want to play,” it’s little wonder if you don’t get many takers.<br />
<br />
Here’s our entire exchange:<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhw869E34yW-r3XRJS3xPQBSKNg1QWAFeYpKXAgO_b2FD0SzylQf9_1EXnCES2gXl5xQ_WU6t7pHUrfSRJdRIXTyBCu8mBQ4Hgw5cZoJvg_5G6cVsIT4QzyNFyUC-HhsXe4I0K7vXbCwEwE/s1600/Ass-Mar29.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhw869E34yW-r3XRJS3xPQBSKNg1QWAFeYpKXAgO_b2FD0SzylQf9_1EXnCES2gXl5xQ_WU6t7pHUrfSRJdRIXTyBCu8mBQ4Hgw5cZoJvg_5G6cVsIT4QzyNFyUC-HhsXe4I0K7vXbCwEwE/s320/Ass-Mar29.jpg" width="224" /></a></div><br />
In contrast to his sparse profile, mine is a couple paragraphs long, giving my stats and preferred fetishes and activities, enough for someone to read (hopefully without overwhelming them) to get a good handle on what I would like to do in sex play. There is no excuse for someone to hit me up and not know what I’m looking for.<br />
<br />
He then sent one final message and blocked me. (Of course, blocking someone this way means they get notified of your final “Fuck you” message but don’t get to read it, so it’s kind of a wasted effort.)Jim Drewhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00987446462436563788noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2271108414078193171.post-10542906827628682482012-02-23T12:44:00.000-08:002012-02-23T12:44:57.797-08:00I can think of a caption or two…This pic showed up on <a href="http://dogs.icanhascheezburger.com/2012/02/16/funny-dog-pictures-u-noez-u-wanna-capshun-dis-puppeh/" target="_blank">I Has A Hotdog</a> (aka LOLDogs), asking for readers to caption it:<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg6tsHDTJc8ZP43g0VzJipW4vVDD2ShBLqrbXLSnjjggXgXXazuMTxXzbxSDOh1l4QGMEscPGn1vRdZ0Ri5zYMM4_d4txNzE0UvXKonKxxsX8tVL1KToZ2ADQ6YCDI_HGzEYFjTkQ9FTHMq/s1600/Hotdog-Feb23.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;" target="_blank"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg6tsHDTJc8ZP43g0VzJipW4vVDD2ShBLqrbXLSnjjggXgXXazuMTxXzbxSDOh1l4QGMEscPGn1vRdZ0Ri5zYMM4_d4txNzE0UvXKonKxxsX8tVL1KToZ2ADQ6YCDI_HGzEYFjTkQ9FTHMq/s320/Hotdog-Feb23.jpg" width="246" /></a></div>Wow. How about…<br />
<ul><li>“Doing it doggie style… you’re doin’ it right."</li>
<li>“Not just uncut, untrimmed!”</li>
<li>“They’ll make anything into a stuffed animal these days.”</li>
</ul>Jim Drewhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00987446462436563788noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2271108414078193171.post-11993408722494605182012-02-12T20:45:00.000-08:002012-02-12T20:45:47.518-08:00Return of “Craigslist bots”Posting on the <a href="http://seattle.craigslist.org/see/m4m/" target="_blank">Craigslist personals sections</a> is kind of like sticking your hand into your refrigerator vegetable drawer, blindfolded. You might pull out something wonderful, or you might grab the cucumber you left in there two months ago and forgot about. Eewww. (And I’m just talking posting and the replies you get, not what actually shows up at your door!)<br />
<br />
The most notorious are the Craigslist bots, automated replies that get past the <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/CAPTCHA" target="_blank">CAPTCHA mechanism</a> to send you curiously phrased replies which are just tantalizing enough to maybe be real. I’ve posted about this before <a href="http://soundskinkyer.blogspot.com/2010/08/what-is-craigslist-bot.html" target="_blank">once</a>, and <a href="http://soundskinkyer.blogspot.com/2010/11/more-fun-with-craiglist-bots.html" target="_blank">again</a>.<br />
<br />
Here is the latest variation I’ve received, within 15 minutes of each other (I’ve zapped the address domain names so spiders hopefully won’t pick them up):<br />
<br />
<blockquote><i>From: Vance Hale <willakdme47945@xxx.yyy><br />
<br />
Well let's get this show going! I reckon I should give you my stats, I'm 6'1in, 180; brown/green. I'm looking for normal to small dicks. Later, man</i></blockquote><br />
And then this one:<br />
<blockquote><i>From: Cory Ford <maryleezs1857@xxx.yyy><br />
<br />
God, some of the posts are hilarious. Yours was great, tho. So I suppose I should give my stats, like 6'1", 177 brown/blue. Any age difference is no object for me. Meshing well is about all that does. Chk U L8r.</i></blockquote><br />
How to spot a bot? Well, a couple of the old methods aren’t present here: a woman’s name attached to a post going to a guy, or directing you to a site to verify that <i>you</i> are real.<br />
<br />
The telltale here, of course, was the similar structure: <i>greeting, I should give my stats, stats for someone desirably tall and desirably slender, note about what I want, closing</i>. In particular, though, no reference to what my post was about, no racial information, and nothing that my post requested is present (like a pic).<br />
<br />
You’ll note that the “Cory Ford” email address carries a woman’s name, though, and the “Vance Hale” one may as well (“willa”), but the email address is going to be hidden in favor of just the reply name in most modern programs. I can’t for the life of my figure out who would program bots to be smart enough to attach a male name on an m4m post but still use a female email address. (But that’s how spammers and virus writers get caught: they do something stupid, leave some clue.)Jim Drewhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00987446462436563788noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2271108414078193171.post-85649062266244894602012-02-08T10:13:00.000-08:002012-02-08T10:13:31.726-08:00What is the difference between a “whore”, a “tramp”, and a “slut”?A <i>slut</i> sleeps with everyone.<br />
<br />
A <i>tramp</i> sleeps with everyone but you.<br />
<br />
A <i>whore</i> charges.<br />
<br />
<hr><br />
(I consider “slut” to be a compliment. But don’t call me a ”whore”, I give it away.)Jim Drewhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00987446462436563788noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2271108414078193171.post-89792271357456087342012-01-25T15:27:00.000-08:002012-01-25T15:27:37.557-08:00Online Ass d’Jour: Never Put Off Until Tomorrow When You Can Be An Ass TodayDate: December 25, 2011 / Place: Palm Springs, CA / Service: Scruff<br />
<br />
I was at the Sunday beer bust at the Barracks when this exchange occurred. I’ve <i>[corrected]</i> a couple typos below, but left other wording and capitalization as-written from both of us.<br />
<br />
<i>Him</i>: Want to stop by my place for a good breeding?<br />
<br />
<i>Me</i>: No, thanks<br />
<br />
(3 hours pass)<br />
<br />
<i>Him</i>: How long in town for?<br />
<i>Him</i>: Want your cock sucked off?<br />
<br />
<i>Me</i>: Later, maybe<br />
<br />
<i>Him</i>: Wow such attitude as if you had so many options out there man<br />
<i>Him</i>: One would think if mr right was <i>[out there]</i> for you you would already have found him<br />
<i>Him</i>: Good luck<br />
<br />
<i>Me</i>: Sorry, fuckhead. I'm out somewhere that a BJ isn't what I'm after. Obviously <i>should</i> have blocked you at "breed".<br />
<br />
<i>Him</i>: Sad<br />
<i>Him</i>: All those hankies and all the colors in the rainbow how is anyone suppose to guess what you don't get into! Sad soul of Xmas<br />
<i>Him</i>: So I can shit on your face but no bj? Lmao!!!<br />
<br />
<i>Me</i>: No, you just can't have/give a blowjob *NOW*. What part of "later, maybe" was so hard for you?Jim Drewhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00987446462436563788noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2271108414078193171.post-83055280977207958052012-01-23T22:00:00.000-08:002012-01-25T15:15:14.429-08:00Online Ass d’Jour: Get RealDate: January 14, 2012 / Place: Washington DC / Service: Bear411<br />
<br />
<i>Him</i>: might want to upgrade the scooter to a real cycle. the whole image is a little funny when you read your profile and then see you on a scooter. Hardcore profile and then a pussy scooter. lol<br />
<br />
<i>Me</i>: How about you be less of an asshole?<br />
<br />
<i>Him</i>: I wasn't being an asshole. Your description just doesn't match a scooter. pose with a real cycle and it will boost the cred in your profile description.<br />
<br />
<i>Me</i>: If you're judging by what I ride rather than who I am, you're being an asshole. Using the phrase "real cycle" reinforces that.<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
For purposes of illustration, here is the pic in question; I did upgrade to a larger bike (but still a scooter) last April:<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgD7BFKq9g-gGBaZ3ympqsb66L_30gZEY9O4KeEyUwYQvoCx02NsLIyd1vP0iWa7is6oz9tNfqK5cm30Mc-prlNGOr9QSIf_2eeyoE8Hs9_-64S4WnwUA__OguncX3QZ4wCWSRDRn9dIf9O/s1600/ScooterShorts.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left:1em; margin-right:1em" target="_blank"><img border="0" height="320" width="290" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgD7BFKq9g-gGBaZ3ympqsb66L_30gZEY9O4KeEyUwYQvoCx02NsLIyd1vP0iWa7is6oz9tNfqK5cm30Mc-prlNGOr9QSIf_2eeyoE8Hs9_-64S4WnwUA__OguncX3QZ4wCWSRDRn9dIf9O/s320/ScooterShorts.jpg" /></a></div><br />
You can read more about my multi-thousands of miles ridden on that scooter <a href="http://soundskinky2.blogspot.com/2010/03/10000-miles-on-scooter-22-months-10.html" target="_blank">in this post</a>. And <a href="http://soundskinky2.blogspot.com/2010/08/trip-report-vanqueerdanceday-and.html" target="_blank">a long trip to Vancuover</a>. And <a href="http://soundskinky2.blogspot.com/2010/09/trip-report-portland-for-alder-street.html" target="_blank">one to Portland</a>.<br />
<br />
My “pussy” scooter has done more than most “real” cycles.Jim Drewhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00987446462436563788noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2271108414078193171.post-57386221417288312392012-01-17T22:06:00.000-08:002012-01-17T22:15:28.220-08:00(Leather) Vacation in Palm Springs<i>(This post covers my end-of-2011 vacation in Palm Springs. A tiny bit of the trip report — covering the leather title pieces — is located on my <a href="http://nwleathersir2012.blogspot.com/2012/01/leather-vacation-in-palm-springs.html" target="_blank">Northwest LeatherSIR 2012 blog</a>.)</i><br />
<br />
<h3><a href="http://thesocialseattle.com/news/homo-for-the-holidays" target="_blank">Homo for the Holidays</a></h3><br />
For several years now, I have made a point of not being in Seattle for New Year’s Eve. The biggest piece of this is that if I’m in the same city I live in, the holiday doesn’t feel “special” — it’s just another night at the bar, and the bulk of the people around me are the same ones I see every Saturday night. Not that I don’t like being around them, but I’d rather spend the holiday somewhere else.<br />
<br />
It isn’t just New Year’s Eve. Holidays = Travel, for me. I haven’t been home for Memorial Day since, um, 1995, either being at <a href="http://imrl.com/" target="_blank">International Mr. Leather</a> or an <a href="http://outhoedown.com/" target="_blank">IAGLCWDC hoedown</a>. I’m typically gone for Labor Day, frequently for President’s Day and July 4th, coming up is my 13th trip to DC for <a href="http://www.leatherweekend.com/" target="_blank">Mid-Atlantic Leather</a> on MLK Weekend, Thanksgiving and Christmas are usually at my mother’s house, etc.<br />
<br />
So in the past decade, I’ve spent New Year’s Eve in New York, Palm Springs, Portland, and often in Vancouver, BC. Vancouver and Portland are just a few hours away, easy trips, but that’s enough to satisfy my “be somewhere else” urge. This year, it was back to Palm Springs, but double strength: Christmas as well as New Year’s.<br />
<br />
If I had to tag a favorite vacation spot, Palm Springs would be it. I’ve been there for New Year’s a couple times, for Wet n’Hot five times, and <a href="http://www.westcoastrubber.com/" target="_blank">West Coast Rubber</a> twice. There’s relatively little to do as a tourist, compared to the likes of Los Angeles, Las Vegas, or New York, so it’s okay to just lay around the pool. Even better, of course, with the gay resorts there, it's okay to lay around the pool wearing nothing at all.<br />
<br />
For Christmas a few years ago, my mother gave me a week’s <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Timeshare" target="_blank">time share</a> stay for a present, which I could have anywhere in the world. That’s great in theory — and she’s taken me on trips where we stayed at time share condos in <a href="http://soundskinky2.blogspot.com/2008/02/ireland-seattle-to-amsterdam-to-dublin.html" target="_blank">Killarney in Ireland</a> and <a href="http://soundskinky2.blogspot.com/2010/02/new-zealand-2010-before-trip.html" target="_blank">Rotorua in New Zealand</a> — but if I’m going to go for a week’s vacation by myself, it’s going to be to a good place for being a leatherman. Unfortunately, the time share places often aren’t all that convenient for that. Amsterdam? 15 miles outside the city. Similar for Berlin.<br />
<br />
But <a href="http://www.ci.palm-springs.ca.us/" target="_blank">Palm Springs</a>? The condos are a quarter mile from the downtown shopping core, and of course a 2.5 hour trip with airfare in the $300 range makes it way easier than Europe or Australia would. And while Seattle would be in the low 40s around New Year’s, Palm Springs would be in the low 70s. Yum. So taking a week’s vacation at the end of the year sounded like a great idea.<br />
<br />
With Christmas and New Year’s on Sundays this year, I decided to lengthen the stay a bit and include the weekends. Of course, the time share stay being only for a week, I added two nights at the start and one at the end at Chaps Inn, the leather-themed gay resort. I also invited my buddy Cliff along. He’s my ex, but we get along great as travel buddies. (And frankly, there’s no one better to have along to ensure that there are a good number of hot guys coming to visit. Cliff can talk just about anyone out of their pants and into the sling!)<br />
<br />
<h3>The Inns and Outs</h3><br />
<a href="http://www.chapsinn.com/" target="_blank">Chaps Inn</a> is located just off north Indian Canyon, a block or two from <a href="http://camp-palm-springs.com/" target="_blank">Camp Palm Springs</a>. It’s a small resort with about 10 rooms. Each room has sling hooks in the ceiling and they will rent you a sling and chains. Our room also had tie-down points and chain in one of the doorways. Outside, they have a decent sized pool and a jacuzzi, plus an outdoor sling and cross. (Unfortunately at this time of year, those don’t get much use. Due to the proximity of <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/San_Jacinto_Peak" target="_blank">Mt. San Jacinto</a>, the sun went away by about 3:30, so it got too cold to play outside by the time you were ready to.) Chaps Inn also features some nearly pornographic cacti among the landscaping.<br />
<br />
The owners, Stuart and Ian, are great, friendly guys. This was about the 5th or 6th time I’ve stayed there over the years. It isn’t posh (but “posh” doesn’t interest me much), but the beds are comfortable and the setup is very nice, just the way I like it. Very recommended.<br />
<br />
Spending Christmas on vacation was new for me. Spending it butt naked around the pool in warm weather, and then hitting the <a href="http://thebarracksbarps.com/" target="_blank">Barracks</a> Beer Bust later in the day, that was great. (The line I used in my Facebook status: “That's the downside of spending Christmas at a clothing-optional resort: no packages to unwrap!”<br />
<br />
The time share condo was at the <a href="http://www.palmspringstennisclub.net/" target="_blank">Palm Springs Tennis Club</a>, at the end of Baristo Road within walking distance of downtown and the <a href="http://gay-palm-springs.info/" target="_blank">Arenas Road gay district</a>. The Tennis Club is right up against the mountain — like 10 feet outside the window — which was a very different sort of view. The room itself was a suite, so we could again deal with what meals we wanted to eat in (especially breakfasts), with plenty of room for the sling and other entertaining. Neither of us play tennis, and we didn’t spend any time around their pool, but Stuart let us come back to Chaps Inn a couple days to hang out there.<br />
<br />
<h3><a href="http://www.rhapsody.com/artist/richard-rodgers-and-oscar-hammerstein/album/the-sound-of-music-soundtrack" target="_blank">These are a Few of My Favorite Slings</a></h3><br />
Knowing that Cliff and I would want a sling available beyond the days we were at Chaps Inn, bringing a portable along seemed to be in order. And while I have one, I’ve been borrowing one or two frames from friends for the play parties I host, so I figured it was time to get a new sling frame to supplement what I’ve got.<br />
<br />
Given the cost to ship the frame and airline baggage costs, I had it shipped directly to Chaps Inn, so that I would only have a baggage cost coming back. I arranged the delivery with Stuart ahead of time, although I didn’t tell him how big of a box to expect. He pretty much knew what it was when it arrived.<br />
<br />
My first sling was purchased in 2001 from <a href="http://www.jimsupport.com/" target="_blank">JIMsupport.com</a> (which is now owned by SIlver & Black Distributing, Inc.). They are highly recommended, of course, but wanting branch out and sample what else was out there, I ordered the new one from <a href="http://www.forttroff.com/" target="_blank">Ft. Troff</a>. In addition to just the frame, the <a href="http://www.forttroff.com/sling-stand_list" target="_blank">Ft. Troff sling frames</a> <i>(note: naughty pics at that link)</i> have leveling feet on the base (although I’ve never needed such before), tie-down points at the corners (so you can use it for more than just hanging a sling), and they are the new taller design, adding a few extra inches (ahem). Oh, and they come in blue, black, or fist-friendly red (that’s the one I got).<br />
<br />
Ft. Troff is also selling a number of add-ons for the slings: fish-eye mirrors, supply stands, camera holders, bars to attach toys to for solo sling play, and so on. Frankly, this is a great idea, enhancing the ways to set up your play space with stuff that all works together. I didn’t order any of that this time — and of course, brought my own sling and chains.<br />
<br />
(By the way, Ft. Troff does an excellent job of turning around orders, and following up afterward to ensure that the order arrived satisfactorily. I recommend them several notches above many other leather/gear shops on the net.)<br />
<br />
On Christmas Eve afternoon when we got there, we went to <a href="http://gearleather.com/" target="_blank">local leather store Gear</a> for some shopping. (And Cliff shopped the staff as well.) I bought a pair of red and black suspenders and got a look at the <a href="http://www.forttroff.com/43390_gallery?pcat=SS" target="_blank">sling mirror</a> <i>(note: again with the naughty pics)</i>, since they had one on display. I was able to get a better feel for it than I could from the Ft. Troff pics. The mirror is a slightly convex mirror (about 16 inches across) with a ball-joint pivot, so that the bottom can get a wide-angle view in the sling, but it can also be adjusted so that the top can make use of it as well. The frame attachment slides on when assembling the frame, and it can be used with slings other than the Ft. Troff models.<br />
<br />
On Monday, I tried to do some due diligence and price similar mirrors at <a href="http://www.lowes.com/" target="_blank">Lowe’s</a>, <a href="http://www.homedepot.com/" target="_blank">Home Depot</a>, and <a href="http://www.autozone.com/autozone/" target="_blank">AutoZone</a>, but no one had anything close to the size. So I ended up going back to Gear and buying the floor model. Made a great addition to my self-Christmas present, and I was even able to pack it into my suitcase coming home (I had expected to have to ship it)!<br />
<br />
<h3>Take a Hike, Ike</h3><br />
While I said earlier that there’s not a lot to do in Palm Springs, that’s not quite true. If you want to be touristy, you can take the tram to the top of the mountain, you can go to <a href="http://www.nps.gov/jotr/index.htm" target="_blank">Joshua Tree National Park</a>, you can hike the canyons, you can do museums, there’s the <a href="http://www.psfollies.com/" target="_blank">Palm Springs Follies</a> show, and of course lots of shopping. I’ve usually been to Palm Springs in July or August, with daytime temps above 100 degrees, so the outdoor stuff hasn’t had a lot of attraction, as you can imagine. (And I’ve usually gone for events, which often preclude much sight seeing — you nap during the day and play hard until the wee hours.)<br />
<br />
(“Wee hours”. Heh. <a href="http://soundskinkyer.blogspot.com/2010/08/trip-report-wet-hot-14.html" target="_blank">I’ve been to Wet n’Hot five times</a>.)<br />
<br />
We went shopping at the <a href="http://www.cabazonoutlets.com/" target="_blank">Cabazon</a> and <a href="http://www.premiumoutlets.com/outlets/outlet.asp?id=6" target="_blank">Desert Hills outlet malls</a> at Morongo the day after Christmas. I bought a pair of jeans and four deep-dish mini pie plates (which should be great for the likes of chicken pot pie; two for me, two for my mother), and looked at tennis shoes at several places but found nothing that appealed to me. Of course, 90% of such malls are clothing stores which hold no interest for me. When at such places, I sometimes wonder if I’m missing out on some great pleasure in life by not being a straight woman or a fashion-interested gay man. For me, it ultimately comes down to two things: I already have plenty of clothes (so why look to buy something I don’t really need), and I put little value in expensive clothes (are those $200 shirts 4 times as good as the $50 ones, 10 times as good as a $20 one?). Which isn’t to say I disdain luxury and pleasure, but I seem to enjoy them a lot more when they are occasional rather than regular.<br />
<br />
We tried one day to go take the <a href="http://www.pstramway.com/" target="_blank">aerial tram</a> up the mountain. We really did. But after driving and parking and walking to the tram station, it was a 2.5 hour wait for the tram (and then the sun would be going down). We hadn’t brought anything to read and there was no cell signal up there (they should have free WiFi in the terminal!), so we drove back to town rather than hang around doing literally nothing. Sigh. We sort of intended to buy tickets online, but you have to do it more than a day in advance, and we never got around to setting a new goal date. (Oh well, not like I’ll never be back!)<br />
<br />
We also didn’t get to Joshua Tree. Oh well.<br />
<br />
Thursday night, they shut down a few blocks of Palm Canyon Drive for a <a href="http://www.villagefest.org/" target="_blank">street fair</a>. We walked the fair, and I bought a hummingbird photo print for my grandmother. We also met up with Frank and Jeaux, who are from Seattle but have a condo in Palm Springs. We invited them to <a href="http://indian-canyons.com/" target="_blank">hike one of the canyons</a> on Friday with us, a recommendation from one of my co-workers. We were before the season when the creeks run — there’s a seasonal waterfall in one of the canyons — but the weather would sure be right for it. Big rock boulders, palm trees in the oasis, a good hit of pot, and blow jobs back along one of the paths a mile or so out. Yeah, I’d hike that again.<br />
<br />
<h3><a href="http://www.rhapsody.com/artist/scooter-lee/album/more-of-the-best/track/twistin-the-night-away" target="_blank">Fisting the Night Away</a></h3><br />
One guy I know in Palm Springs is <a href="http://bearfilms.com/" target="_blank">Bear Films</a> star <a href="http://site.cameronstuartxxx.com/" target="_blank">Cameron Stuart</a>, whom I met there the previous summer. He invited me and Cliff to the play party he was hosting on New Year’s Eve. I had to twist Cliff’s arm a bit — he originally planned to go to the play party at <a href="http://www.yourgayresort.com/" target="_blank">Helios</a> — but I knew he’d have a great time.<br />
<br />
The party was in a three-car garage space, broken up with hung tarps and some plywood walls. I think there were five slings, plus a covered mattress and a fuck bench, plus maybe some other equipment. It was a good layout of the space, and Stuart and a play buddy of his had made sure to invite a number of fisters to ensure that there would be a good set of guys there beyond those mostly interested in just fuck-n-suck. Among other people I knew there were Bill, who I had played with the night before, and John, a buddy from San Francisco whom I have played with a could times before.<br />
<br />
Definitely a good time. We and a couple other guys shut the place down a while after 1:00 am.<br />
<br />
In addition to the play itself, I always like to get a look at how other guys lay things out for their parties — where the snacks and drinks are, where the lube and supplies are, the make-up of the attendees, the layout of play spaces. That stuff always helps inform and enhance my own parties.<br />
<br />
<h3><a href="http://www.rhapsody.com/artist/foster-the-people" target="_blank">All the Other Kids with Their Pumped Up Dicks</a></h3><br />
After a play session on Wednesday, my PA piercing got too heavily abused — bruised on the inside — so on Friday, I went to <a href="http://www.pspiercing.com/" target="_blank">Palm Springs Piercing Company</a> (who did my lorum piercing a few years ago) and had the PA taken out. It was almost getting too painful to walk. Of course, that meant that the piercing proceeded to shrink as it healed, so when I got home, I had to go back to my old 4 gauge curved barbell, and worked myself back up to the 2 gauge over the next week, just in time to head to Mid-Atlantic Leather.<br />
<br />
While I was at PS Piercing, I also had them upgauge the 12 gauge nipple bars to 10 gauge rings. I had one nipple pierced with a ring at MAL 2000, but it never healed well (got regular small reinfections) and I took it out a couple years later — I primarily blame the temptation of the ring as a pull toy during the healing process. In mid-2010, I got them both done with bars and they have behaved themselves vastly better and I was comfortable getting rings in now.<br />
<br />
Cliff and I went dancing at <a href="http://digsbar.com/" target="_blank">DiGS</a> on Christmas Eve, and I did again on Tuesday. (Tue/Sat are the CW dance nights there.) We ran into Jake, who had moved down from Seattle a few months ago.<br />
<br />
Other names to drop in addition to those mentioned above: hunky Matthew from Gear, the guys from <a href="http://offrampleathers.com/" target="_blank">Off Ramp Leathers</a> (who had just moved to Palm Springs from San Francisco, opening the store on the day we left, so we dropped in), Jim T. (who used to be in the San Francisco Saddletramps with me), and assorted guys at the Barracks and Chaps Inn whose names elude me now.Jim Drewhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00987446462436563788noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2271108414078193171.post-56915590996713478092011-11-23T00:59:00.000-08:002011-11-23T00:59:11.431-08:00Typo of the DayThis profile showed up near me on <a href="http://www.scruffapp.com/" target="_blank">Scruff</a> recently:<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhYH5MLoJL-laAWiMEbZj66VN6WgU0zJFHqG4zMhDw8RYirVGHdHvNhyMut8qsYYGrW0tMpMb5NN5s5F9x550X5c9zb7uVpC9esyCf2VOA4NLOzWzx9u_1kOAha1Iytb6pRlSJPjf25sGFM/s1600/Scruff-typo.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="243" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhYH5MLoJL-laAWiMEbZj66VN6WgU0zJFHqG4zMhDw8RYirVGHdHvNhyMut8qsYYGrW0tMpMb5NN5s5F9x550X5c9zb7uVpC9esyCf2VOA4NLOzWzx9u_1kOAha1Iytb6pRlSJPjf25sGFM/s400/Scruff-typo.jpg" width="400" /></a></div><br />
“stalky” — Best. Typo. Ever. (Technically a <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Malapropism" target="_blank">malapropism</a>; he presumably meant “stocky”.)<br />
<br />
If you’re looking for guys to stalk you, online cruise sites would be the place.Jim Drewhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00987446462436563788noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2271108414078193171.post-69410094228031233792011-10-05T16:02:00.000-07:002011-10-05T16:03:10.989-07:00Online Ass d'Jour: Why Thank YouAs a follow-up to my recent item on <a href="http://soundskinkyer.blogspot.com/2011/08/online-ass-djour-5000-words-and.html" target="_blank">unsolicited photo spamming on cruise sites</a>, this LOLCat pic showed up this week. Sums things up pretty well, I’d say:<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://icanhascheezburger.com/2011/10/04/funny-pictures-lovely-thanks-so-much/" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;" target="_blank"><img border="0" height="315" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhGsSYB_ba5Szm5066tERDoJAOVdGhDFPwwGnAloZWITueXcirspwis7PwaVM2Flul26AkM6Kb2Dw6DvNBvv9ShNeBwqj12Tj_EwtX3GhQJzHrHYBhFTemMDm1EiCWm2BhtDMxMGp1UJcfE/s400/LOLCats.jpg" width="400" /></a></div>Jim Drewhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00987446462436563788noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2271108414078193171.post-74923808501042935752011-09-15T17:21:00.000-07:002011-09-19T15:01:04.007-07:00What is up with misspelled words? TrouBBle, SSkin, ParTy, FFun,…?If you hit gay cruise sites enough, you will end up tripping over seemingly misspelled words a lot. And not just simple typos, nor the shorthand <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/SMS_language" target="_blank">txtspeak</a>/<a href="http://speaklolspeak.com/page/LOLspeak+101#fbid=dNXhHxA9_MZ" target="_blank">lolspeak</a> terms which infect so much online communication these days (U, ur, lol, ROTFL, etc.), but stuff unique to the gay cruise world, stuff with extra letters and internal capitals “errors” which show up often enough that there must be meaning behind them.<br />
<br />
Indeed there is: like with so much else in the gay world, these are code words, spellings intended to alert those in the know to the proclivities and preferences of the person they are reading about, without them having to come out ans say it. Sometimes, as with <a href="http://soundskinkyer.blogspot.com/2010/04/what-is-hanky-code.html" target="_blank">hanky codes</a>, this is to advertise for sex; sometimes, as with the term <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/420_(cannabis_culture)" target="_blank">“420” referring to marijuana</a>, it advertises drug use or other illegal activities; and sometimes it serves to hide controversial philosophies or political leanings.<br />
<br />
<h3>Didn’t you learn to capitalize the pronoun “I” in school?</h3>This one is a common affectation for men who are playing the “slave” (extreme submissive) role in a relationship (or who want to). To express subservience or to take away the importance of the self from the slave, the slave becomes “i” or “this one”, always lowercase (even at the start of a sentence). This mirrors the capitalization of “He” when referring to God, and since the master in the relationship is sometimes deemed to take the role of a “god”, he may become “He” or “Sir” or whatever.<br />
<br />
<h3>Girls just wanna have fun, why do guys want FFun?</h3>“FF” is shorthand for Fist Fucking, usually referred to just as fisting these days. Any time you see the double-F capitalized, either by itself or embedded in another word — unless you are reading about <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fantastic_Four" target="_blank">Marvel Comics</a> — that is what is being referred to. (Exception: if the entire word is in caps — “RUFF & TUFF”, for example — it probably isn’t about fisting, even when the word is misspelled like this.)<br />
<br />
You’ll also see references to “handball”, but that isn’t a sports alternative to tennis. “Handball” is a euphemism for fisting — “hand in a ball”, get it? (And in case you didn’t know, “watersports” doesn’t usually involve an Olympic-sized swimming pool.)<br />
<br />
Hiding things behind euphemisms can backfire, though. Several years ago, our local leather club reserved a church-owned camp location for a weekend event, and we listed “handball” as one of the activities that would be available in the playspace (aka “dungeon”, but we didn’t use <i>that</i> word). One of the directors of the camp read our website and said “We don’t have a handball court, I wonder what they mean?”, so he looked it up online. We quickly had our contract cancelled. But karma comes around: they went into bankruptcy and had to sell the camp within the next year. Don’t fuck with leathermen, because we use our fists!<br />
<br />
<h3>Won’t you get in trouBBle for spelling it that way?</h3>When I first came out, “BB” would show up in newspaper personal ads meaning “Butch Bottom”, more or less what we now call “leatherboy”.<br />
<br />
By the mid-90s, “BB” had come to mean “Body Builder”, back when “working out” wasn’t the primary hobby of every non-bear gay man in the world, when having a six-pack was rare — as opposed to today when it is almost required if you go out thump-thump dancing and dare to remove your shirt.<br />
<br />
For the last decade, though, “BB” has meant “Bare Back”, as in fucking without a condom, usually including cumming inside the guy. See also seeding, breeding, and <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bugchasing" target="_blank">bug chasing</a>.<br />
<br />
Confusion over the term was the focus of a subplot in <a href="http://www.sho.com/site/queer/home.do" target="_blank"><i>Queer As Folk</i></a>, too, although that was very odd since the characters assumed it meant “butch bottom” (they went to a “BB” party, guess what the activity was), but I hadn’t seen it in use that way for maybe 15 years before that episode aired. (And then just this morning I saw it used in the abbreviation guide in an issue of <a href="http://www.boundandgagged.com/" target="_blank"><i>Bound & Gagged</i></a> from 2003.)<br />
<br />
<h3>Do you hiSS much when you SSpeak?</h3>Every now and then, you’ll hit a profile where every “s” is capitalized and doubled into “SS”. Completely orthogonal to “FF” = fisting, “SS” references skinheads with white power/white supremacy/neo-Nazi leanings. (Or SSometimeSS juSSt guySS into Nazi uniform play, I gueSS. Not going there, thankSS.)<br />
<br />
(I’m not trying to be judgmental here. There are skins who aren’t neo-Nazis and there are skins who are not white supremacist or “white power”. I only know enough that when I tripped across such an “SS”-filled profile, I just turned around, didn’t ask any questions.)<br />
<br />
Just for completeness, if these profiles reference “88”, that doesn’t mean they play the piano. “H” is the 8th letter of the alphabet, so 88 = HH = Heil Hitler.<br />
<br />
<h3>It’s my parTy, I’ll do drugs if I want to!</h3>And finally we come to drug use. The standard euphemism for drug use during sex is “partying” or “<a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Party_and_play" target="_blank">party and play</a>”. So when asked if you want to “party”, or when someone says they are looking to or for a “party”, they don’t want streamers and noisemakers. A number of different drugs can be involved in this, typically meth (methamphetamine, crystal), but also cocaine, MDMA, and GHB. In particular, though, while alcohol and pot and poppers are technically drugs which can be played with in connection with sex, few if any people ever mean them when referring to “partying”; those drugs are too “<a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hard_and_soft_drugs" target="_blank">soft</a>” for the intent.<br />
<br />
A common nickname for meth is “<a href="http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=tina" target="_blank">Tina</a>”. Abbreviated to “T”, the letter gets inserted in the middle of any number of words, but especially in the word “parTy” to qualify the intent.<br />
<br />
<h3>How do I tell codewords from typos?</h3>While I usually recommend “Assume ignorance before malice” when evaluating things when someone does a stupid or offensive action, the reverse is my recommendation when it comes to cruise site profile text and ads: “Assume what they wrote is intentional.”<br />
<br />
People have ample opportunity to craft, review, and edit their text. While many men do write poorly and typos do creep in — and many write quickly and never review what they wrote or correct errors — these codeword typos are common enough that they can be identified easily and most don’t fall into common causes of typos. Incorrect capitalization will usually only occur at the start of the word — “COmpany” is a common one for me, caps on the letter after the initial one as well — but not in the middle of the word. And while an occasional accidental doubled letter can creep in, consistently doing it with the same letters throughout an ad or profile transcends accident and becomes intent.<br />
<br />
Which then leads to the other rule of thumb: “If you suspect there is an extra layer of meaning, trust your instincts.” That doesn’t have to mean “run like hell” (although I’ve done that); like any coded communication, these things are both an invitation to conversation and are prone to misinterpretation, so if you are curious, ask. And then read between the lines of their response: fisters and slaves will likely be very upfront with you, but druggies probably won’t.<br />
<br />
<hr><i>Updated on September 19</i><br />
<blockquote>Naturally, as soon as I posted this, a new example cropped up. I got hit up by a guy looking for “pig pplay”. I asked and he promptly confirmed it the double-p a reference to ”party”.</blockquote>Jim Drewhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00987446462436563788noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2271108414078193171.post-23020738723641947802011-08-29T12:54:00.000-07:002011-08-29T12:54:12.455-07:00Online Ass d'Jour: 5000 Words and CountingDate: August 14, 2011 / Place: Las Vegas / Service: Grindr<br />
<br />
I noticed that there was a message badge on the pic of a guy I had not been conversing with yet.. So I tapped the pic to view the message.<br />
<br />
<i>Him</i>: (sends picture)<br />
<i>Him</i>: (sends picture)<br />
<i>Him</i>: (sends picture)<br />
<i>Me</i>: (start to look at the first one)<br />
<i>Him</i>: (sends another picture)<br />
<br />
<i>(Jesus Christ, at least say “Hello” first. Or maybe “Hello, want to see naughty pics of me?” And wait for me to say yes.)</i><br />
<br />
<i>Him</i>: (sends another picture)<br />
<i>Me</i>: (block)Jim Drewhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00987446462436563788noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2271108414078193171.post-51348356372702289592011-08-23T15:58:00.000-07:002011-08-23T15:58:48.661-07:00Online Ass d'Jour: Rubbers? What rubbers?Date: August 13, 2011 / Place: Las Vegas / Service: Scruff<br />
<br />
<i>Me</i>: What kind of of hot man sex?<br />
<i>Him</i>: Hot pig sex. More top but love to fuck raw<br />
<i>Me</i>: Got to use a rubber for fucking<br />
<i>Him</i>: Y a rubber for fucking? Don’t u like to feel a raw cock in ur ass<br />
<i>Me</i>: I’m done here<br />
<i>Him</i>: Done with what?<br />
<br />
<i>(Come on, guy. When someone says they don’t bareback, you don’t push them to. Period.)</i><br />
<br />
<i>(I refrained from blocking him so I could get a reply. Got one that was semi-apologetic — “OK I will respect that” — but I’m still not going to have sex with him. No least because I wouldn’t expect him to “respect that”.)</i>Jim Drewhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00987446462436563788noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2271108414078193171.post-65458336446192595592011-08-19T14:47:00.000-07:002011-08-19T14:48:33.327-07:00Online Ass d'Jour: Smile When You Say That!Date: July 10, 2011 / Place: Palm Springs / Service: Adam4Adam<br />
<br />
<i>Him</i>: (sent a smile)<br />
<i>Me</i>: (looked at his profile, nothing I was interested in)<br />
<i>Him (a few minutes later)</i>: When someone sends a smile, you're supposed to reply.<br />
<br />
<i>(Thank you Emily Post. Here’s my take on <a href="http://soundskinkyer.blogspot.com/2010/06/what-is-a-or.html" target="_blank">smiles, winks, tugs, and pokes</a>. Short answer: no, you’re supposed to check out the person and then reply only if you have anything to reply about.)</i>Jim Drewhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00987446462436563788noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2271108414078193171.post-25291714889283809722011-08-13T12:17:00.000-07:002011-08-13T12:19:32.134-07:00Online Ass d'Jour: Clothe Thy Naked Self!Date: July 9, 2011 / Place: Palm Springs / Service: Adam4Adam<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiBiVwBHFOHPzKnQrAkwKLsZ1vO465yXxNgjkJo5GvU2_X1HHFi29N-OjDuP5hOLKMl3IRn-hwrXHeueMw81-KT0t176npG0FoxssASDqj_Ru4NaS1yMb5Y5DN8UIJ7B-gPCiClR6ctOGgk/s1600/9484d9c4f5a84a1d8cff22af6b983b0f_2.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="220" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiBiVwBHFOHPzKnQrAkwKLsZ1vO465yXxNgjkJo5GvU2_X1HHFi29N-OjDuP5hOLKMl3IRn-hwrXHeueMw81-KT0t176npG0FoxssASDqj_Ru4NaS1yMb5Y5DN8UIJ7B-gPCiClR6ctOGgk/s320/9484d9c4f5a84a1d8cff22af6b983b0f_2.jpg" width="200" /></a></div><i>Him</i>: Wow<br />
<i>Me</i>: Thanks<br />
<i>Him</i>: Wasn’t a compliment. You should put a shirt on.<br />
<br />
<i>(That’s the pic he saw on my profile. If he has issues with that </i>pic<i>, how much time does he spend telling guys online to cover up? Wow indeed.)</i>Jim Drewhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00987446462436563788noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2271108414078193171.post-58080047846788067652011-06-27T13:44:00.001-07:002011-06-27T13:44:35.052-07:00Save me from “discreet” encountersTwice in the past couple weeks, I’ve had people approach me via online connections for “discreet” encounters. (I covered what the term means in a <a href="http://soundskinkyer.blogspot.com/2010/06/what-does-mean.html" target="_blank">previous post</a>. Basically, it means the guy is either closeted, cheating, or uncomfortable with his kinks.) After this, I’m done with agreeing to such encounters.<br />
<br />
With the first one, who approached me via a Craigslist ad, he asked during our negotiation exchanges if I was “discreet”, and I made him tell me what <i>he</i> meant by it. To me, it means the simple stuff — don’t go telling details of what we did, and look/act like a normal person when you come to my place or we see each other out. To this guy, though, it was “Never connected; never met if asked or not asked” (that is: “You don’t know me, you never saw me, you’ll never contact me.”) Sorry, I don’t work that way: if I see you in a social setting (be it the gay bar, the supermarket, or a business lunch), I’m not going to ignore you or feign ignorance. I’m going to say “Hi, how are you doing?” as I would to any casual acquaintance. If someone asks how we know each other, <i>then</i> I will properly feign ignorance/memory loss: “Heck, I don’t remember, I meet so many people. It was a few months ago, maybe?”<br />
<br />
At the end of our negotiations, he pulled back from meeting (when I was actually on the way there, in fact; lesson: never head their way without a full address and room number), saying he was “too uncomfortable to have any fun”. My hope is that he realized that he can’t really have his kink cake and eat it too for very long; that the more people he plays with, the less “discreet” he can actually manage to be, and that he’ll eventually overcome his fears (or have a good talk with his partner). I accepted his apology (at least he didn’t totally flake out), and gave him a mild reprimand/encouragement to realize that his “discreet” requirements really don’t mean anything to most guys: we just want a hot scene and aren’t going to care to give him anything other than a vague acknowledgment in other social settings.<br />
<br />
The second guy hit me up on a formal cruise site. Looking at his profile, I saw that he was from Chicago, but because he keeps his sex life “private”, he only wants to play with guys in Minneapolis. And further, he only wants to play with guys who are <i>visiting</i> Minneapolis. In other words, he wants to keep the chance of meeting you in any other context vanishingly small, and also wants to minimize the chance for a repeat encounter. That’s not keeping your sex life private, that is being embarrassed about the sex you choose to pursue.<br />
<br />
I’ve dealt with another guy here in Seattle who expressed a similar but different version of this: he wants to go to play parties, but only in other cities. He bartends at a local bar and he doesn’t want there to be a chance that someone at the party might be one of his customers. I can’t say what the concern is beyond that, though — they might expect free/stronger drinks, they might puncture a “tough top” image he tries to project as a bartender, something else? I find it hard to picture a scenario where the fact that actual <i>sex</i> was involved in how they knew him would make things any different. (Maybe if they felt he gave bad service, they would have additional dirt to bad mouth him with? Please, girl, this is the gay community: they can make up plenty of dirt without having seen you in action.)<br />
<br />
Going forward, if a guy ask if I am “discreet”, I’m going to say “No, I’m not. If you have to ask, then I’m not discreet enough for you.”Jim Drewhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00987446462436563788noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2271108414078193171.post-54860569596660354262011-04-20T15:59:00.000-07:002011-04-20T16:01:18.802-07:00Bear, Legs Akimbo<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">This picture was one of the available pieces of <a href="http://ngm.nationalgeographic.com/wallpaper/download?source=email_photo">wallpaper photography from <i>National Geographic Magazine</i></a> for May 2011. I know that pose. I've seen many a bear in it.</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj4wa4nClVTRjNDRnYy5AvIYIS5cUlNGd_Kzhlrbky_7Wc5R025QzOxXHXrzSeSX04A_6k5rueM5AOxnpNBr3KIVuWjBQwRDCVWnD9vKhGVPjL1beDfZiz0dx0La8J9IsFk2aw2NkHrU8K6/s1600/Bear-Blog.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="300" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj4wa4nClVTRjNDRnYy5AvIYIS5cUlNGd_Kzhlrbky_7Wc5R025QzOxXHXrzSeSX04A_6k5rueM5AOxnpNBr3KIVuWjBQwRDCVWnD9vKhGVPjL1beDfZiz0dx0La8J9IsFk2aw2NkHrU8K6/s400/Bear-Blog.jpg" width="400" /></a></div><br />
You can <a href="http://ngm.nationalgeographic.com/wallpaper/img/2011/05/may11wallpaper-3_1600.jpg">get the photo here</a>. Photograph by Meta Penca. (A pity: the photo caption identifies the particular bear as female.)Jim Drewhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00987446462436563788noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2271108414078193171.post-80435641274174471302011-03-31T11:53:00.000-07:002011-03-31T11:53:27.146-07:00Most useless CraigsList photo ever?This ad showed up on <a href="http://www.craigslist.org/" target="_blank">CraigsList</a> the other day:<br />
<blockquote><b>Masc casual fun - 35 (Seattle)</b><br />
<br />
Nice & normal, good-looking white masucline and horny looking for some no-strings, safe, casual fun with like-minded fit bro around my age or younger. <br />
<br />
I'me five-ten, one sixty, packing a thick 8 inches. Nice bod, hairy chest and legs. <br />
<br />
I cannot host but can travel to you in and around Seattle. Real here ... in Seattle ... wet day </blockquote>All perfectly fine, nothing out of the ordinary there.<br />
<br />
And then it had this pic attached:<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEigdxjtCB86bYxJU5aBUDFLM217P_WTKWRP2coMgta-TDppFHvxWU40Qy65ucRBaIiR_igZ6I80NXffUoiuyehSrRPIQJYlSSzOZqpO__H34Xfqt9-C-6oGdVAb0leRQ38yPqWAgVuhlct_/s1600/CL-shorts.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="181" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEigdxjtCB86bYxJU5aBUDFLM217P_WTKWRP2coMgta-TDppFHvxWU40Qy65ucRBaIiR_igZ6I80NXffUoiuyehSrRPIQJYlSSzOZqpO__H34Xfqt9-C-6oGdVAb0leRQ38yPqWAgVuhlct_/s200/CL-shorts.jpg" width="200" /></a></div>Now, I know you’ve probably seen pics in CraigsList ads which are bait-and-switch pics: knowing that some people won’t click through to read an ad if there’s no pic, some guys will add a sunset or a drawing or some other image. Those offend a little (since you’re either looking for porn shots or some hint of what the guy on the end looks like other than his dick/ass), but they are part of “doing business”.<br />
<br />
This one, though, what is the point of this pic? You aren’t showing your “thick 8 inches” (heck, you aren’t even showing a bulge from it!). You aren’t showing your “nice bod, hairy chest and legs”. Hell, you aren’t even showing that you’re <i>male</i>! But at the same time, neither does this seem to be in the same class as a bait-and-switch pic; there is a different level of intentionality attached to using this.<br />
<br />
So, yeah, “Most useless CraigsList photo ever.”Jim Drewhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00987446462436563788noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2271108414078193171.post-83820486201801999772011-03-08T12:11:00.000-08:002011-03-08T21:03:52.628-08:00What does “Woof!” mean?“Woof!” is a greeting, especially in the bear community, generally meaning “Hi, I think you’re hot!” It is the verbal (or in online chat, textual) version of a <a href="http://soundskinkyer.blogspot.com/2010/06/what-is-a-or.html" target="_blank">wink/smile/tug</a>.<br />
<br />
(Why do bears say “woof”? The most likely answer is that the snurfling sound a real bear makes can be written as “whurf” — half growl and half snort — which easily transcribe into “woof”. Alternately, start from the greeting “Yo, dawg!” and follow that path to get to the same destination.)<br />
<br />
Of course, one person’s “Hi, I think you’re hot” can be another person’s “Hi, I think you’re hot, let’s have sex now.” Take this exchange from <a href="http://www.adam4adam.com" target="_blank">Adam4Adam</a> this past weekend for example. (Of not: the guy’s only profile picture is a side shot of his dick, and his profile text is equally sparse: “<i>Not looking for love or anything other than getting my cock off. Blowing a load</i>”. Occasionally you <i>can</i> check out the profile and respond to a tersely worded potential sex request. But not with this one, and especially not when I tend to be looking for kinky fetishy sex partners and the profile indicates nothing of the sort.)<br />
<blockquote><i>him: Woof!<br />
<br />
me: Thanks<br />
<br />
him: which translates as "no thanks?"<br />
<br />
me: "Woof" doesn't usually translate as a specific offer. I'm not available until later tonight anyway. <br />
<br />
him: yeah, good luck with that</i></blockquote>And he blocked me. Whatever. <br />
<br />
If you want “Woof!” to mean more than “Hi!”, that’s great. But you’d better be ready to follow it up with an offer and specifics.Jim Drewhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00987446462436563788noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2271108414078193171.post-31446351447644024132011-02-24T23:38:00.000-08:002011-02-24T23:38:48.249-08:00Stuff I Read: “Imaginary Encounters” by Mysh<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://www.queerhaiku.com/" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;" target="_blank"><img border="0" height="228" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjA01UTll_RWCtRKLyq1aZZJRwS26voZ7r0wmLh7KKA61A_9D0knKqIrfN45zZM1UcDtDqcgSRgbTiPn3Dvn2O7C0tDSP0PeB_lKmq_4t9fj69y6X1E7g4pxRPU5Fvb2CrYkls_OqYkUWol/s400/Queer-Haiku.jpeg" width="400" /></a></div><br />
I despise most poetry.<br />
<br />
Spending much of my time as a kid and a teen with books, I embraced novels and comic books, works which spread a broad tableau of clear imagery and abundant words, not just telling a story but building a world. Poetry, on the other hand, comes off as tight, small, and absorbed, twisting on individual words and phrases to depict a single idea or evoke an emotion. When you’re used to lots of words building a story, consumed at a fast pace, having to mull over each word and syllable, backtracking over and over to get at the true “meaning” of the poem… it’s <i>slooooooooow</i>.<br />
<br />
(Those who “get” poetry are hopefully saying to themselves “Yeah, that’s the point.” Those who don’t get poetry are probably saying “Yeah, I know what you mean.”)<br />
<br />
That said, some specific forms of structured poetry, I have great respect and even love for. Taking an idea or emotion and capturing it in a limited number of lines, or forcing it into a rhyming couplet (or a <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Limerick_(poetry)" target="_blank">limerick</a>!), that awes me. (So I guess it’s really unstructured, longer form poetry that I can’t stand. How does that phrase go, “I don’t know what it is, I guess it’s poetry”?) I’m especially fond of <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Haiku" target="_blank">haiku</a> (when done right, at least in the modern Western sense; some people think just three short lines of whatever is all it takes, sigh).<br />
<br />
I recently got an e-mail from Israeli artist and filmmaker Mysh, pointing me to his site of queer haiku comics, <a href="http://www.queerhaiku.com/" target="_blank">“Imaginary Encounters”</a>. Wow! Could stuff get any better than that? Combining the elegance of haiku with shortform cartooning, usually illuminating rather than illustrating.<br />
<br />
Highly recommended. Not safe for work, though; some of the cartoons contain sexual imagery.Jim Drewhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00987446462436563788noreply@blogger.com0