Date: August 13, 2011 / Place: Las Vegas / Service: Scruff
Me: What kind of of hot man sex?
Him: Hot pig sex. More top but love to fuck raw
Me: Got to use a rubber for fucking
Him: Y a rubber for fucking? Don’t u like to feel a raw cock in ur ass
Me: I’m done here
Him: Done with what?
(Come on, guy. When someone says they don’t bareback, you don’t push them to. Period.)
(I refrained from blocking him so I could get a reply. Got one that was semi-apologetic — “OK I will respect that” — but I’m still not going to have sex with him. No least because I wouldn’t expect him to “respect that”.)
Tuesday, August 23, 2011
Friday, August 19, 2011
Online Ass d'Jour: Smile When You Say That!
Date: July 10, 2011 / Place: Palm Springs / Service: Adam4Adam
Him: (sent a smile)
Me: (looked at his profile, nothing I was interested in)
Him (a few minutes later): When someone sends a smile, you're supposed to reply.
(Thank you Emily Post. Here’s my take on smiles, winks, tugs, and pokes. Short answer: no, you’re supposed to check out the person and then reply only if you have anything to reply about.)
Him: (sent a smile)
Me: (looked at his profile, nothing I was interested in)
Him (a few minutes later): When someone sends a smile, you're supposed to reply.
(Thank you Emily Post. Here’s my take on smiles, winks, tugs, and pokes. Short answer: no, you’re supposed to check out the person and then reply only if you have anything to reply about.)
Saturday, August 13, 2011
Online Ass d'Jour: Clothe Thy Naked Self!
Date: July 9, 2011 / Place: Palm Springs / Service: Adam4Adam
Him: Wow
Me: Thanks
Him: Wasn’t a compliment. You should put a shirt on.
(That’s the pic he saw on my profile. If he has issues with that pic, how much time does he spend telling guys online to cover up? Wow indeed.)
Me: Thanks
Him: Wasn’t a compliment. You should put a shirt on.
(That’s the pic he saw on my profile. If he has issues with that pic, how much time does he spend telling guys online to cover up? Wow indeed.)
Monday, June 27, 2011
Save me from “discreet” encounters
Twice in the past couple weeks, I’ve had people approach me via online connections for “discreet” encounters. (I covered what the term means in a previous post. Basically, it means the guy is either closeted, cheating, or uncomfortable with his kinks.) After this, I’m done with agreeing to such encounters.
With the first one, who approached me via a Craigslist ad, he asked during our negotiation exchanges if I was “discreet”, and I made him tell me what he meant by it. To me, it means the simple stuff — don’t go telling details of what we did, and look/act like a normal person when you come to my place or we see each other out. To this guy, though, it was “Never connected; never met if asked or not asked” (that is: “You don’t know me, you never saw me, you’ll never contact me.”) Sorry, I don’t work that way: if I see you in a social setting (be it the gay bar, the supermarket, or a business lunch), I’m not going to ignore you or feign ignorance. I’m going to say “Hi, how are you doing?” as I would to any casual acquaintance. If someone asks how we know each other, then I will properly feign ignorance/memory loss: “Heck, I don’t remember, I meet so many people. It was a few months ago, maybe?”
At the end of our negotiations, he pulled back from meeting (when I was actually on the way there, in fact; lesson: never head their way without a full address and room number), saying he was “too uncomfortable to have any fun”. My hope is that he realized that he can’t really have his kink cake and eat it too for very long; that the more people he plays with, the less “discreet” he can actually manage to be, and that he’ll eventually overcome his fears (or have a good talk with his partner). I accepted his apology (at least he didn’t totally flake out), and gave him a mild reprimand/encouragement to realize that his “discreet” requirements really don’t mean anything to most guys: we just want a hot scene and aren’t going to care to give him anything other than a vague acknowledgment in other social settings.
The second guy hit me up on a formal cruise site. Looking at his profile, I saw that he was from Chicago, but because he keeps his sex life “private”, he only wants to play with guys in Minneapolis. And further, he only wants to play with guys who are visiting Minneapolis. In other words, he wants to keep the chance of meeting you in any other context vanishingly small, and also wants to minimize the chance for a repeat encounter. That’s not keeping your sex life private, that is being embarrassed about the sex you choose to pursue.
I’ve dealt with another guy here in Seattle who expressed a similar but different version of this: he wants to go to play parties, but only in other cities. He bartends at a local bar and he doesn’t want there to be a chance that someone at the party might be one of his customers. I can’t say what the concern is beyond that, though — they might expect free/stronger drinks, they might puncture a “tough top” image he tries to project as a bartender, something else? I find it hard to picture a scenario where the fact that actual sex was involved in how they knew him would make things any different. (Maybe if they felt he gave bad service, they would have additional dirt to bad mouth him with? Please, girl, this is the gay community: they can make up plenty of dirt without having seen you in action.)
Going forward, if a guy ask if I am “discreet”, I’m going to say “No, I’m not. If you have to ask, then I’m not discreet enough for you.”
With the first one, who approached me via a Craigslist ad, he asked during our negotiation exchanges if I was “discreet”, and I made him tell me what he meant by it. To me, it means the simple stuff — don’t go telling details of what we did, and look/act like a normal person when you come to my place or we see each other out. To this guy, though, it was “Never connected; never met if asked or not asked” (that is: “You don’t know me, you never saw me, you’ll never contact me.”) Sorry, I don’t work that way: if I see you in a social setting (be it the gay bar, the supermarket, or a business lunch), I’m not going to ignore you or feign ignorance. I’m going to say “Hi, how are you doing?” as I would to any casual acquaintance. If someone asks how we know each other, then I will properly feign ignorance/memory loss: “Heck, I don’t remember, I meet so many people. It was a few months ago, maybe?”
At the end of our negotiations, he pulled back from meeting (when I was actually on the way there, in fact; lesson: never head their way without a full address and room number), saying he was “too uncomfortable to have any fun”. My hope is that he realized that he can’t really have his kink cake and eat it too for very long; that the more people he plays with, the less “discreet” he can actually manage to be, and that he’ll eventually overcome his fears (or have a good talk with his partner). I accepted his apology (at least he didn’t totally flake out), and gave him a mild reprimand/encouragement to realize that his “discreet” requirements really don’t mean anything to most guys: we just want a hot scene and aren’t going to care to give him anything other than a vague acknowledgment in other social settings.
The second guy hit me up on a formal cruise site. Looking at his profile, I saw that he was from Chicago, but because he keeps his sex life “private”, he only wants to play with guys in Minneapolis. And further, he only wants to play with guys who are visiting Minneapolis. In other words, he wants to keep the chance of meeting you in any other context vanishingly small, and also wants to minimize the chance for a repeat encounter. That’s not keeping your sex life private, that is being embarrassed about the sex you choose to pursue.
I’ve dealt with another guy here in Seattle who expressed a similar but different version of this: he wants to go to play parties, but only in other cities. He bartends at a local bar and he doesn’t want there to be a chance that someone at the party might be one of his customers. I can’t say what the concern is beyond that, though — they might expect free/stronger drinks, they might puncture a “tough top” image he tries to project as a bartender, something else? I find it hard to picture a scenario where the fact that actual sex was involved in how they knew him would make things any different. (Maybe if they felt he gave bad service, they would have additional dirt to bad mouth him with? Please, girl, this is the gay community: they can make up plenty of dirt without having seen you in action.)
Going forward, if a guy ask if I am “discreet”, I’m going to say “No, I’m not. If you have to ask, then I’m not discreet enough for you.”
Wednesday, April 20, 2011
Bear, Legs Akimbo
This picture was one of the available pieces of wallpaper photography from National Geographic Magazine for May 2011. I know that pose. I've seen many a bear in it.
You can get the photo here. Photograph by Meta Penca. (A pity: the photo caption identifies the particular bear as female.)
Thursday, March 31, 2011
Most useless CraigsList photo ever?
This ad showed up on CraigsList the other day:
And then it had this pic attached:
Now, I know you’ve probably seen pics in CraigsList ads which are bait-and-switch pics: knowing that some people won’t click through to read an ad if there’s no pic, some guys will add a sunset or a drawing or some other image. Those offend a little (since you’re either looking for porn shots or some hint of what the guy on the end looks like other than his dick/ass), but they are part of “doing business”.
This one, though, what is the point of this pic? You aren’t showing your “thick 8 inches” (heck, you aren’t even showing a bulge from it!). You aren’t showing your “nice bod, hairy chest and legs”. Hell, you aren’t even showing that you’re male! But at the same time, neither does this seem to be in the same class as a bait-and-switch pic; there is a different level of intentionality attached to using this.
So, yeah, “Most useless CraigsList photo ever.”
Masc casual fun - 35 (Seattle)All perfectly fine, nothing out of the ordinary there.
Nice & normal, good-looking white masucline and horny looking for some no-strings, safe, casual fun with like-minded fit bro around my age or younger.
I'me five-ten, one sixty, packing a thick 8 inches. Nice bod, hairy chest and legs.
I cannot host but can travel to you in and around Seattle. Real here ... in Seattle ... wet day
And then it had this pic attached:
This one, though, what is the point of this pic? You aren’t showing your “thick 8 inches” (heck, you aren’t even showing a bulge from it!). You aren’t showing your “nice bod, hairy chest and legs”. Hell, you aren’t even showing that you’re male! But at the same time, neither does this seem to be in the same class as a bait-and-switch pic; there is a different level of intentionality attached to using this.
So, yeah, “Most useless CraigsList photo ever.”
Tuesday, March 8, 2011
What does “Woof!” mean?
“Woof!” is a greeting, especially in the bear community, generally meaning “Hi, I think you’re hot!” It is the verbal (or in online chat, textual) version of a wink/smile/tug.
(Why do bears say “woof”? The most likely answer is that the snurfling sound a real bear makes can be written as “whurf” — half growl and half snort — which easily transcribe into “woof”. Alternately, start from the greeting “Yo, dawg!” and follow that path to get to the same destination.)
Of course, one person’s “Hi, I think you’re hot” can be another person’s “Hi, I think you’re hot, let’s have sex now.” Take this exchange from Adam4Adam this past weekend for example. (Of not: the guy’s only profile picture is a side shot of his dick, and his profile text is equally sparse: “Not looking for love or anything other than getting my cock off. Blowing a load”. Occasionally you can check out the profile and respond to a tersely worded potential sex request. But not with this one, and especially not when I tend to be looking for kinky fetishy sex partners and the profile indicates nothing of the sort.)
If you want “Woof!” to mean more than “Hi!”, that’s great. But you’d better be ready to follow it up with an offer and specifics.
(Why do bears say “woof”? The most likely answer is that the snurfling sound a real bear makes can be written as “whurf” — half growl and half snort — which easily transcribe into “woof”. Alternately, start from the greeting “Yo, dawg!” and follow that path to get to the same destination.)
Of course, one person’s “Hi, I think you’re hot” can be another person’s “Hi, I think you’re hot, let’s have sex now.” Take this exchange from Adam4Adam this past weekend for example. (Of not: the guy’s only profile picture is a side shot of his dick, and his profile text is equally sparse: “Not looking for love or anything other than getting my cock off. Blowing a load”. Occasionally you can check out the profile and respond to a tersely worded potential sex request. But not with this one, and especially not when I tend to be looking for kinky fetishy sex partners and the profile indicates nothing of the sort.)
him: Woof!And he blocked me. Whatever.
me: Thanks
him: which translates as "no thanks?"
me: "Woof" doesn't usually translate as a specific offer. I'm not available until later tonight anyway.
him: yeah, good luck with that
If you want “Woof!” to mean more than “Hi!”, that’s great. But you’d better be ready to follow it up with an offer and specifics.
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